Multilingual Family in MV

[USAinDE]

Hi,

I was pointed to this website by a very nice, informative mom here in Mecklenburg Vorpommern. I am seriously in need of help and support, so I really hope that some of you can understand, and forgive, my use of English.

We have moved a lot, every 2-4 years, and have no support network. My boys are just-turned-4 and almost-7. My husband and I work full-time and are busy trying to juggle all of the normal responsibilities of adulthood. Our children have been mostly raised with a hands-off approach with a very open and free choice on interests and development. We do incorporate discipline, but only when they break one of the 3 big rules in our family--hurting others, hurting self, and deliberate destruction. Mostly I use positive reinforcement and operant conditioning with my children to get them to do what I want them to do. Unfortunately, since I do not bully my kids this leads many people to believe that we have no discipline.

I really have no idea whether my children are gifted or talented, and I'm not sure whether it really matters. However, now they are having issues, so we need to find the root cause. I suspect that my boys may be smart since giftedness runs in our family and all the resources I've looked at indicated that they are probably tending toward the high end of the spectrum. I specifically did not introduce reading, even though they are both interested, because I'm afraid they will be bored later (like I was--I was reading at age 2, but am a typical gifted underachiever). My boys are incredibly intense and need a lot of attention. I am constantly fielding questions, stopping them from Darwining out, cleaning up messes (experiments), and generally dealing with the normal feelings of being overwhelmed in responsibility and parenthood.

However, they are both having incredible difficulties in preschool because they have special needs for attention. We are on our third KiTa, mostly because of moves, and this is really affecting our kids. The newest is the most naive and unprofessional. I was clear that my minimum expectations from the KiTa are teambuilding, social development, and contentedness. However, they are extremely Authoritarian in their interactions and have been unable to interact positively with my boys.

My youngest is actually freezing and refusing to cooperate for the preschool. He refuses any and all tasks they set before him and I've never experienced so much negativity in a preschool environment in my life. It got to the point that they believe he is retarded and wanted him tested for 'Frühförderung'. We had the test this week. He is so burnt out that he basically refused to take part in the test. At the end of the official appointment (1.5 hours after the start), while I was apologizing to the doctor, I mentioned that he really likes rockets. This was the first time in the meeting that he showed any interest, so the doctor immediately offered to build a rocket with him. She had already tried the rudimentary tasks of building a T, X and an U with sticks, which he refused. Then she built a rocket out of the sticks with way more pieces (7) than is typical for development at his age and this he did quickly and with interest.

We have the comparison with other preschools, so we know it isn't just our kids being unable to adapt. They always had difficulty fitting in, but the other facilities worked more with our children to help them adapt. At this point I am afraid, because of the extreme warning signs of emotional instability and refusal to learn at preschool, that my boys will have lasting psychological damage. We are definitely, with the heaviest of hearts, changing preschools again, but I have no idea whether this will be enough to reverse the present damage and emotional baggage that my sons have built up.

Anyway, I mostly wanted to share, give some background, and hope to hear about more resources in Germany and ideas of how to cope and help my kids develop more constructively (and is it too much to ask for at least contentedness if not happiness?).

[USAinDE]

Schade ich hätte es doch vielleicht in Deutsch geschrieben. Aber wie es ihr bestimmt auch so geht, in richtung meine Kinder bin ich echt empfindlich und finde es schwer mit dieses situation klar zu kommen... Vielleicht schreib ich es neu später...

[Edainwen]

Dear Multilingual family,

welcome at the forum!

Unfortunately I don't know much about resources in Germany so I can't help you much. I just wondered why you're looking for a new preschool for your 7-year-old? Isn't he going to school soon? Will you stay in MV now or are you going to move soon again? I imagine many of the problems result in the frequent moves.

My son (now 5.1) sometimes visits courses of the "Kinderakademie", but we soon found out, that these courses for preschoolers are rather boring. So he just took part so that he'll be in the program when he's a scholar and the courses become more interesting - i.e. the courses are not really interesting for gifted kids.

Maybe you can tell something more about your problems at preschool. What did they say at "Frühförderung"?

Many greetings
Edainwen